Don't Judge Me: My Son Sleeps In His Crib

This morning, I read an article called, "Why Co-Sleeping Works For Us, Even If It Scares You" By Brooke Dowd Sacco. While I am absolutely fine with her decision to co-sleep, what I am NOT OK with is comments like this, "I didn’t expect to be able to take off my mom hat between the hours of 7pm and 7am. I’m running a 24 hour operation here." Her statement implies that because my son sleeps in his own room, that I'm somehow not his mother at night? Because he sleeps soundly for several hours at a time, in his own room, that I'm 'off duty'?! 

Here's another comment that irked me, "To me, my daughter is more important than a perfect night’s sleep." Oh, right. That's why I put him in his crib, because he isn't important. Actually, he is important. But he isn't the center of the universe. I happen to have two other boys, two dogs, a home to keep, a full time job, and a HUSBAND! I can't go to bed at 7 pm with the baby, and ignore all of my other responsibilities! Ms. Sacco has a husband, who obviously supports her co-sleeping with their daughter. "In the beginning, when my husband and I discussed where our daughter would sleep, he was happy to hear she wouldn’t be alone in her room downstairs." My son's room was an addition, created by splitting our bedroom in half. So he is extremely close to me. Not that his room being downstairs would be ideal, but it would not lead to co-sleeping.

She continues, "No matter how many times she (her daughter) needs me during the wee hours, he (her husband) wakes up well rested, and for us, this is a good thing. He has to get up and go to work 5 days a week. Happy husband, happy life?" Well, Brooke, I have to get up at the wee hours and go to work. But even if I did stay home, I would not be able to handle not getting any restful sleep. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep with him in my bed- since my husband moves CONSTANTLY in his sleep. I would be worried about the baby! 

Everyone's situation is unique. Some mothers work, some stay home. Some do both, and are home with the children during the day and work at night! Some babies sleep in their parents' bed, some sleep in cribs, and some are in the room in a bassinet. No 'one way' is perfect, and all of us are doing the best we can. This article made me feel like 'my way is right, and your way is wrong' which helps NO ONE. 

Now, please be quiet, my baby is sleeping.

Can We Stop the Judgy Judging?!?!

As an emotionally drained, exhausted mother of two, I have a serious request. Can we PLEASE stop the judging? It seems that every blog I read has good intentions, but the comments! oh the comments! Mothers judging Mothers. It needs to end. Most mothers are just trying to NOT mess up their children, and maintain some sort of sanity during this extremely taxing process that we call 'raising children.'

None of us are perfect, by any means. I'll start with a few 'confessions'... 

Image Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Powdered-Baby-Formula

1. I formula fed my boys. I did not breastfeed. Gasp. And I don't feel guilty about it. Double gasp. Because they are both healthy, happy boys. Isn't that what is important? I actually did give it a go, both times- but decided that all the angst and drain were going to affect both myself AND the baby! 

Image Source: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/worklife/10/08/working.moms/

2. I work full time, outside the home. My kids are in the care of someone other than myself for a majority of the week. I am still raising my children, and making the decisions that will affect them. But I also enjoy my job, and get personal satisfaction from my work. I feel that this will be a benefit to my children in the long run.

Image Source: http://www.everydaypeoplecartoons.com/cartoon/316

3. I yell at my children. I get frustrated, I get angry, and I lose it sometimes. I'm not always the understanding, caring mother that I would like to be. This goes doubly for the time that I have been a mother of two. Everything is intensified, and that's good and bad. 

Now that some of my so-called sins are out there, can't we just realize that parenting is different for everyone. AND, importantly, until you are a parent- you do not understand how you will parent! Reading other blogs, that much bigger than mine... I read the comments that people post, and I am shocked by what I read. 

People that are out there telling other mothers (or fathers) that they are 'doing it wrong' must be so insecure about their parenting! Why else would someone behave that way? Do you agree? 

I Am "Mom Enough"

Time Magazine's controversial cover photo portrays a mother breastfeeding her nearly four year old child. The article is on 'attachment parenting', which consists of three main tenets: extended breastfeeding, baby 'wearing' in slings, and co-sleeping.

My reaction to this photo is anger, not because of the breastfeeding- but the implication that if I am not breastfeeding my children until preschool that I am not "Mom Enough". I do not understand why women continue to chastize each other for the choices that we all make. Mothers do what works best for their family- and clearly breastfeeding works best for this family.

Breastfeeding was a struggle for me. In fact, my milk never fully came in with my first- which was extremely frustrating. I had to go back to work when he was 6 weeks old, so I stopped breastfeeding even before that. It does not work for everyone, for a variety of reasons. But I do not feel that anyone should be looked down upon for not choosing that method!

Time Magazine was obviously sensationalizing this topic, and I do not appreciate it. I wish they had not cast 'attachment parenting' as such an extreme method. I have serious concerns with co-sleeping, and I think it is a difficult habit to break. But the general idea that a mother wants to bond with her child is not extreme!! I wish that a variety of motherhood choices were supported by society. Isn't that the definition of freedom? We need to stop judging each other! http://wp.me/p1AbH5-1I 

How does this photo make you feel?